Author Archive: counselorbarb
Gaslit?
I hear the term “gaslighting” constantly and like many other terms (“narcissism”, anyone?) it’s used incorrectly. To gaslight someone is to intentionally make them question their sense of reality, ultimately for the purpose of controlling them. The term originates from the 1944 movie, Gaslight, in which the male character purposely turns down the gas lamp …
How To Stop Arguing About Chores!
Several studies suggest that women take on the majority of the workload in the home, even when both partners are working full-time. This is due to several factors: Women think they can “do it all” Women are often more particular than men about cleanliness Women think men are going to screw it up Women feel …
Pornography: Is It Good Or Bad?
Not an easy question! Is it good or bad? Is it causing harm to couples? Is it cheating? First, let’s tackle the “good or bad” question. It can be both! Why It’s Bad From my reading, it seems that excessive porn use outside of an intimate relationship seems to be bad for three main reasons: …
Sexual Resource List – Updated!
GENERAL The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction (http://www.indiana.edu/~kinsey/index.html): No list would be complete without this classic. Founded by pioneer sexologist Alfred Kinsey, the Kinsey Institute supports interdiscipinary research in the study of human sexuality. Kinsey Confidential™ (http://www.kinseyconfidential.org): a sexuality information service designed by The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, …
Sexual Communication Tips
Sex is one of the most difficult topics for couples to discuss. Yet, good sexual communication will not only enhance your love life, it will enhance your relationship! Having trouble talking about sex? You aren’t alone. Common Obstacles: The belief that talking about sex is vulgar. The fix: Vulgarity is in the eye of the …
10 Steps to Good Self Care
THE PHYSICAL 1. Have a balanced diet; avoid tobacco and processed foods; avoid excessive alcohol or caffeine consumption. – Maintain your weight at a level that is healthy and feels good to you. 2. Exercise 3 – 5 times per week, both aerobically and with weights. 3. Get adequate sleep and rest. The amount differs …
10 Ways To Excellent Couples Communication
Be a good listener. Focus on what your partner is saying, and then repeat it back to them to assure them it was heard correctly. Be interested in your partner. Try to understand them and learn what makes them tick. Be tolerant of differences and learn to compromise. You don’t need to agree on everything; …
Women: 15 Ways To Turn Yourself On
1) Stay in the moment. Women’s sexuality is much more influenced by stress and over-work as compared to men’s. Many times we are filling out our to-do lists in our head while we are lying in bed or becoming romantic with our partner. It’s impossible to be fully in the moment when you’re going over …
Men: Read This Before You Lose Your Woman Forever
OK…sorry, I had to scare you to get your attention. Yes, I am talking to you. The one who withdraws and tunes out whenever your partner starts complaining about the relationship, or God forbid, “wants to talk.” Do that enough times and eventually your woman will stop asking for counseling and start consulting divorce lawyers. …
Successful New Year’s Resolutions: What You Need To Know Today
It’s that time of year again. It seems everywhere I turn I hear something about “New Year’s resolutions.” Sounds great, right? Combining the words “new” and “resolution” sounds so positive, what’s not to love? Well, let me tell you. The Problem Each year people create lofty goals they will probably fail to accomplish. Why? Well, …
14 Essential Steps To Building Self Esteem
So many times in my office I hear about low self-esteem. When I was reading one of Tara Richter’s books, 10 Rules To Survive The Internet Dating Jungle, I ran across a very interesting list of creative ways to increase self-esteem. After looking up the original source online, I then added my own thoughts to …
ED and the MD
Last night I was on the radio with a certain MD that specializes in men’s sexual health. In this post, he will be referred to as “Dr. X.” As is typical of me, I speak my mind even when it goes against what another professional may be saying. And, I tend to become more passionate …
Keeping Secrets in Couples Therapy
Every couples therapist has to decide whether or not to incorporate individual sessions. Whereas there are many benefits to doing so, such as gathering information more quickly and thoroughly, special consideration must be given to confidentiality. Specifically, how should a couples therapist handle a secret? What if one partner tells the therapist something in confidence …
Ladies: Feed Your Sexy!
Eating healthy food can do so much for your health, including your sex life! Ladies, remember, the healthier you are, the better you will feel, including energy for a GREAT sex life! In another great post from my friend and colleague, Joy Rupe, Certified Diet Manager, we will learn about all the veggies and other …
Ladies: How Chicken Can Hurt Your Sex Life
If you’ve looked at my website and have ever been a client of mine, you know how I feel about the connection between physical and mental health. The mind is connected to the body, and what is bad for the body is generally bad for the mind. When someone comes to me for help with …
Men: Top Three Ways To Improve Your Sex Life and Golf Game
Men hate going to the doctor. Why? Who knows. I can’t get any man to talk long enough about it to get the answer. Yet men, on average, live 5 years less than women. Theories abound as to the reasons, such as men avoiding health checkups and ignoring small signs that become big problems later. …
Erectile Dysfunction: What Everyone (Male or Female) Needs To Know
Erectile Dysfunction…it’s that sensitive subject that nobody really wants to discuss. It’s the elephant in the room. You know it’s there, but it makes you really uncomfortable and you figure if you ignore it, it will go away. Well, that’s why I’m here. I specialize in discussing topics nobody wants to talk about. My reward …
How To Handle The Office Bully
Corporations have come a long way in developing policies for dealing with sexual harassment. But what about office bullies? Isn’t that also a form of harassment? Similarly to sexual harassment, office bullying can create a hostile work environment that not only makes it difficult for people to function, but also has a detrimental effect on …
Character Trait Or Conflict Avoidant?
You’re partner is running late again. Despite all of your best efforts to get him or her out of the door, once again you will be late for dinner at your Mom’s house. It’s funny how your partner is on time for other things, such as meeting up with friends… Do you have a partner whose behavior …
Cyber Affairs: Yes! It’s Cheating
Facebook is a wonderful thing. With 845 million active monthly users, it’s also a very popular thing. But danger lurks behind the fun logo. Many of us are one “friend request” away from an online affair. Yes, it seems quite innocent at first. Oh look! There’s an old friend from high school! I think I’ll …
CounselorBarb 