CounselorBarb

Individual Counseling, Couples Counseling and Sex Therapy

Author Archive: counselorbarb

Meditation Myths

There is a lot of research showing the benefits of meditation. I generally recommend that my clients meditate as a great adjust to therapy to help them relax and focus. Meditation techniques can also be useful in addressing inorgasmia, because these techniques help you to focus your mind on your genitals and not your to-do …

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You May Be The Exception

The other day in spin class, after yelling at the class to go faster and push harder, the instructor removed her mike, slid up to my bike and told me to slow down a bit, you’re working too hard. Huh? She was just telling us to keep it up, push harder. Now she’s telling me, just me, …

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My Favorite Sexual Myths

I realized yesterday as I was working with a couple that I repeat the same sexual myth-busting information over and over again. So then I thought, wouldn’t it be great if I blogged about it so everyone could have it? So…here it is, in no particular order: Myth 1: Women Can Orgasm Via Intercourse Alone …

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How To Suffocate Your Partner

I need space! Who here has never heard that and panicked? We immediately think it means that the person doesn’t want us anymore. But we couldn’t be more wrong. People have differing needs for space. Some people love being with their partners all of the time. Others are quite happy being apart for long stretches. …

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The Stealth Killer Of Relationships: Emotional Affairs

Yes, having an emotional affair is cheating! Some may argue that emotional affairs aren’t as bad as physical affairs, but I think that depends on your perspective. What is an “emotional affair”, you ask? Well, the answer may surprise you. A emotional affair is anytime that you take intimacy out of your relationship by sharing …

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How ADD Can Destroy Relationships

ADD, Attention Deficit Disorder, and it’s cousin, ADHD, Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder, can wreak havoc on intimate relationships. We read a lot about how ADD or ADHD affects people, but we don’t get to read a lot about how it affects relationships. And we should. Being married to someone with ADD is sort of …

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Why Being Perfect Isn’t Great

We think of the word “perfect”, and we think of the optimum, the ultimate, the absolute best. So, it follows that when we think of “perfectionists” we think of high achievers, high performers…you know, successful people. Nobody thinks of perfectionism as negative. But it is. Perfectionists exhibit many self-defeating behaviors. They think that unless they …

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50 Shades of Grey or Shifty Plays of Lay?

I just finished reading the trilogy “50 Shades of Grey.” And I’ve got issues. Not about the dominant/submissive sexual practices. Nope. I’ve got issues about how they have portrayed “vanilla sex.” There are several problems with how regular sex is portrayed in the novels, the results of which I fear will make women and men …

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Top Three Reasons To Be An Introvert

We all have this impression that somehow extraverts are more successful and socially desirable as introverts. Frankly, I’m tired of hearing this. Why are we judging the relative worth of a person based on a personality trait? Introversion is not a mental illness, so why are we treating it as something to “fix”? I’m going …

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Stop Fighting About Money

It’s common knowledge that the top two things couples fight about are money and sex. Well, this post isn’t about sex…sorry! Money is a topic that can cause trouble for even the most well-adjusted couples. So many of us have emotional issues about money we aren’t even aware of, and these can rear their ugly …

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Stop Holding Yourself Back: Defeat Self-Defeating Thinking

We become what we think.  We all tend to internalize negative messages we receive, whether they are from our parents, friends, or romantic partners.  These messages may have been explicitly spoken, or merely communicated through actions, or even inactions.  We are often unaware of the degree to which we have internalized these negative thoughts.  What …

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Are You Afraid Of Success?

Sounds like a crazy question, right?  I mean, everyone wants to be successful, right?  Yet, you might be your own biggest obstacle. We may say that we want to be as successful as possible, but is this really true? Do we really believe we are deserving of success? I mean, so many other people have …

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How To Nag Successfully

According to a recent study from the University of Southern California, men shut down emotionally when arguing with their significant other. Any wife or long-term girlfriend will tell you they didn’t need a study to tell them this. But, what is newly discovered is that when men are under stress, the regions of the brain …

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Building Trust: Don’t Be A Flake

As I sat recently in a restaurant waiting for an acquaintance to show up, I began to think about what it means to be reliable. And, as with most painful or interesting situations in my life, I attempt to make meaning out of it by turning it into a blog post. Or, more specifically, my …

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How You May Be Your Own Worst Enemy By Saying “Yes”

The secret of success is saying “yes.” How many times have you heard that?  “Yes” is positive. “No” is negative. When we think of successful people, we think of people who say “yes.” Go-getters. Ambitious. Action oriented. Busy. But, busy with what is the question here. Running around like crazy doing things that don’t directly contribute …

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Stop Putting Things Off: The Negative Effects of Procrastination

I’ve been trying to write this blog entry for about a week, but…I keep putting it off. Each time I look at my computer, there it is, the empty file titled “Procrastination blog entry.” Mocking me. Taunting me. Sapping my energy in ways that don’t feel immediately obvious.  See, each time I saw that file …

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How You May Be Sabotaging Your Mental Health

Congratulations! You have made the brave and potentially life-altering step of getting some counseling. Good for you. But did you know that some very simple things you are doing right now could be sabotaging your progress? When people come to see me, naturally the focus is on whatever relationship, sexual, or emotional issue they are …

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Optimize Your Counseling Dollar

Have you been to a counselor lately? That’s OK…don’t answer out loud. But if you have, or are considering visiting one in the near future, and want to make sure you get the most for your money, this blog post will be of interest. As a private practitioner, I see many different people with many …

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How Life And Weight Loss Coaches Can Be Bad For Your Health

Look around- life coaches, weight loss coaches, beauty coaches, nutrition coaches…everyone wants to “coach” you on something!  And congratulations to you for wanting to improve your life.  I’m not here to rain on your parade- I just want to hand you an umbrella so you don’t accidentally get drenched. See, none of these coaches are …

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What to Look for in a Counselor

  So, you’ve decided you’d like to see a counselor.  Now what?  Do a google search and you are faced with what seems like hundreds of counselors.  Actually, there are about 400 licensed mental health counselors in Florida alone.  So, how to pick one? What most therapists won’t tell you, probably because they don’t keep …

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