Individual Counseling, Couples Counseling and Sex Therapy

Are You Afraid Of Success?

Sounds like a crazy question, right?  I mean, everyone wants to be successful, right?  Yet, you might be your own biggest obstacle.fear, anxiety

We may say that we want to be as successful as possible, but is this really true? Do we really believe we are deserving of success? I mean, so many other people have worked so much harder and know so much more than we do. Consider this portion of a famous quote from Nelson Mandela:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?…”

As women, we constantly put other people before ourselves. We are raised to believe that our own needs are not as important as others’ needs. We understand that the true value in life is in taking care of and nurturing others. After all, that’s what our most important role model — our mother — did.

So no wonder success makes us uneasy. It feels selfish. Uncaring. We think success is a pie, and because we just got a piece someone else will have to go without. And what woman worth her salt would allow another to go hungry?

So we subconsciously do things to sabotage ourselves. We dismiss our success; write it off to luck or say it’s no big deal. We’re afraid others will feel bad, so we don’t talk about our accomplishments and believe pride is a sin.

Here are some common things we tell ourselves:

“I just got lucky.”

“I couldn’t have done it without the support of _______”

“Yeah sure, I did that, but look at all the areas I am weak in.”

“I’m really not that talented.  I just work hard.”

“Anybody could do my job.”

We tell ourselves that what we do is not that big of a deal. But oh, yes it is! We need to celebrate our success! We need to recognize ourselves for the multi-talented fabulous beings that we are! The sin isn’t in appreciating and recognizing ourselves, it is in downplaying our accomplishments and stopping ourselves from achieving the growth and success we were destined for. And Nelson Mandela would agree.

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