Individual Counseling, Couples Counseling and Sex Therapy

My Favorite Sexual Myths

I realized yesterday as I was working with a couple that I repeat the same sexual myth-busting information over and over again. So then I thought, wouldn’t it be great if I blogged about it so everyone could have itsex therapy? So…here it is, in no particular order:

Myth 1: Women Can Orgasm Via Intercourse Alone

This one is perhaps my most favorite. I’m not sure how it originated, but somehow people believe that the vagina (the internal barrel, not the outer lips, which are called “labia”, by the way) is analogous to the penis. Since they are counterparts, and since it is mostly the vagina that the penis comes into contact with during intercourse, ergo women should orgasm during intercourse. WRONG! The clitoris, not the vagina, is the organ that is analogous to the penis. It’s the clitoris, generally, rather than the vagina, that needs the stimulation. As a result, only between 20 and 40% of women are able to orgasm via intercourse alone. And, of these women, most require some form of clitoral stimulation.

Myth 2: Intercourse Is The Holy Grail

Why do people think sex is intercourse? Why do people think intercourse is the be-all end-all of sexual activity? Intercourse is required for procreation. Period. All the rest,  including manual and oral stimulation, are just for fun, and usually required for female orgasm. Enough said.

Myth 3: Sex Stops When The Erection Dies

Why? See Myth #2. Intercourse is the only sexual activity that requires erections. Yes, a flaccid penis is capable of orgasm. Therefore, there are many, many other things you can be doing in the absence of an erection. Do you seriously need a list? ‘Cause I can give you one.

Myth 4: Women Should Come As Quickly As Men

The average length of time to orgasm for women is 14 minutes; men 4 minutes. Do the math. This gap is so common we have a name for it: “the arousal gap.”

Myth 5: The G-spot

Even professionals screw this one up. According to the original paper written by Dr. Grafenberg (The “G” in “G-spot”) the G-spot is an area in the upper third of the vagina that is very sensitive in some women. This sensitive area is due to the proximity of the urethra to the vagina, not due to a biological structure. However, recently there has been some evidence to the contrary…so stay tuned. Meanwhile, if you can’t find your G-spot, stop looking. You are perfectly normal.

Myth 6: Women Have To Desire Sex In Order To Have It

Recent research on the sexual response phases indicate otherwise. For women, researchers are finding that the first two phases, desire and arousal, may be reversed. What does that mean for women? Like Nike says, “Just Do It”. Your desire will follow. Unless you are really angry with your mate. Then schedule an appointment with me instead.

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