Do we need couples counseling?

counselorbarb ♦ July 30, 2010 ♦ Leave a comment

Wondering if you should get couples counseling?  I am a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, a Registered Marriage and Family Therapy Intern, and a sex therapist.  In my work with couples, I have noted common areas in which troubled couples tend to be deficient.  This list of ten questions that I have created will help you evaluate how well your relationship is functioning.

If you answer “no” to one or more of the questions, then it is likely that counseling will help enhance your relationship.  The more questions you answer “no” to, especially questions 6 – 10, the greater the need for couples counseling.

1.  Do both of you have some sort of outside support system, such as friends or family?

2. Do the two of you spend time alone together on a regular basis, interacting with each other, or do you find yourselves in silence whenever you are alone?

3. Do you explore new activities and places with your partner?

4. Do you take time to let your partner know you appreciate and love them? Is this often enough for your partner?

5. Do you share information about yourself or feelings with your partner that you don’t share with others? Do you do this on a regular basis?

6. Do each of you feel accepted and loved for who you truly are?

7. Do you speak respectfully and lovingly toward each other?

8. Do you feel comfortable bringing your problems to each other? Do both of you feel heard and understood?

9. Do you tend to solve problems as a team, rather than individually and then arguing about them later?

10. Do you deal with issues as they arise, rather than avoiding them?

How did you do?  Many couples can usually improve in at least one of these areas.  Sometimes, couples simply aren’t aware that there are areas of their relationship that can really benefit from some improvement.  If you are having trouble addressing these areas, couples counseling can help.  For more information on couples counseling, please visit my website.

* This list was developed after consulting similar lists in Lambos, W.A. and Emener, W. G. Cognitive and Neuroscientific Aspects of Human Love : A Guide for Therapists and Researchers, and  Horton, Lee (2008), Crumbling Commitment: Managing a Marital Crisis.